Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
