She's JV to your varsity
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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