I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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