Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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