And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
