I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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