just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
