Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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