What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
