Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
