i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
