There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
