i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
