I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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