My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
