I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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