How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
