Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
