Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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