So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
