Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
