the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
