i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
