A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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