so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
