Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
