I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
