Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
