Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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