So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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