so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
