Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
