His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
