Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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