when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
