You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
