you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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