the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
