Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
