Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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