U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
