I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
