It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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