i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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