Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
