Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
