ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
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