Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
