Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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