Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
