nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He did a backflip because drugs
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize