you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
