So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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