I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
