Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
