what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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