My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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