Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bang-toberfest begins!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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