just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
