yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
