Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
