I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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