She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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