but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who died my cat blue again?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
