Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
