i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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