Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
