Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
