I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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