For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
