Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
