She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
