remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
