ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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