you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize