I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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