It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
