Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
