the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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